Mon 06 Feb 2012 08:53:28

Name :	Joe
Email :
Message	Words to the Wise from some who are Wise of Words 1. The problem with political jokes is they get elected. (Henry Cate, VII) 2. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. (Aesop) 3. If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. (Will Rogers) 4. Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber. (Plato) 5. Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. (Nikita Khrushchev) 6. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. (Clarence Darrow) 7. Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. (Author Unknown) 8. If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. (Jay Leno) 9. Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. (John Quinton) 10. Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. (Oscar Ameringer) 11. The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. (P.J. O'Rourke) 12. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. (Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952) 13. A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. (Texas Guinan) 14. Any American who is prepared to run for president should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so. (Gore Vidal) 15. I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. (Charles de Gaulle) 16. Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. (Doug Larson) 17. Don't vote, it only encourages them. (Author Unknown) 18. There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators. (Will Rogers)

Thu 02 Feb 2012 04:25:14

Name :	d
Email :	ns
Message	I can't stop laughing.. I got as far as uppers and lowers and thought of teeth.. You know the kind that come out...besides all those symbols are used for inuendos and are outlawed...Heh Heh

Tue 31 Jan 2012 06:18:33

Name :	ns
Email :	d
Message	NOT Humor. Using words like that is the best way to make passwords for your computer. Some uppers and lowers. Toss in a few ! @ and ^ et(. Avoid slash / and back slash . Better yet use a phrase instead of a word, something like: Mary Had A Little Lamb = MHALL = M4@!l But always make it 8 letters or more and they are mostly unbreakable. Well punk, are you feeling lucky today? W9@yF!7?

Sun 29 Jan 2012 04:29:01

Name :	d
Email :	I read it so am I strong? not Smart?
Message	Use Your Brain I've seen this with the letters out of order, but this is the first time I've seen it with numbers, F1gur471v3ly (figuratively) 5p34k1ng (speaking)!! Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind: 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

Thu 26 Jan 2012 08:05:39

Name :	Joe
Email :
Message	Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. ThenI made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.” There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car?”

Thu 26 Jan 2012 04:13:09

Name :	ns
Email :	An oldie
Message	There are 10 kind of people in this world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

Fri 20 Jan 2012 11:46:54

Name :	d
Email :	OK girlfriends try this.
Message	INSTALLING A HUSBAND Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 . In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0 , NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. ------------ --------- --------- ------ DEAR DESPERATE , First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour7.0 orBeer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta . Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crashHusband 1.0 . In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7... Good Luck! Tech Support

Sun 15 Jan 2012 07:10:11

Name :	ns
Email :	d
Message	Not with my wife.

Sun 15 Jan 2012 07:47:56

Name :	d
Email :	ns
Message	HA HA HA HA Did you ever consider that could go both ways?

Sun 08 Jan 2012 01:03:49

Name :	ns
Email :	definition:
Message	Wife - someone that will stand beside you through all the difficult times that you wouldn't have had, if you remained single.

Wed 04 Jan 2012 06:22:59

Name :	d
Email :	A good laugh for people in the over 50 group!!!
Message	When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures, and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great-grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space. That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie, and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix, and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within the texting world. My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

Wed 04 Jan 2012 06:14:15

Name :	joe
Email :
Message	A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said,"Hi. You know...., I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll drive his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL and he will supply all of your clothes. "Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also as part of your job description have to satisfy her sexual urges. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive." The guy in wide-eyed amazement said, "You're bullshittin' me!" The social worker said: "Yeah, well ... You started it".

Wed 04 Jan 2012 05:07:44

Name :	d
Email :	Joe
Message	Dang Joe two in a Roe... LOL

Tue 03 Jan 2012 06:15:18

Name :	Joe
Email :
Message	Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask,'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but continue to ask.'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?' 'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?' Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90

Tue 03 Jan 2012 06:13:09

Name :	Joe
Email :	hahaha
Message	A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Sun 01 Jan 2012 02:18:10

Name :	Webmaster
Email :	refreshed
Message	This board has been refresed for the new year. To see past posts visit the archives.